Being a caregiver for a spouse, parent, or other family member is an incredibly complex situation, causing many different emotions to rise up, difficult conversations to be had, and putting pressure on other relationships.. Whether you’re a sole caregiver or just try to help out here and there, the emotional toll it can take on a person can be exhausting.
It’s common for caregivers to experience feelings of resentment, guilt, and anger while caring for someone with dementia. These feelings aren’t anything to be ashamed of. Playing the role of caregiver while trying to live your own life and look after your own mental and physical health can be extremely difficult. In this blog, we’ll discuss how to deal with caregiver resentment and prioritize your emotional well-being.
Is it normal for caregivers to struggle with resentment?
In short – absolutely. Caregivers have overwhelming responsibilities, and as a result, regularly deal with uncomfortable emotions like anger and resentment. Being a caregiver for a loved one is a very demanding role, and it can take an enormous toll on your mental and physical health. It’s difficult trying to balance being a caregiver along with being a spouse, a parent, and dealing with daily commitments like a job and raising kids.
Caring for someone with dementia can feel very isolating, too. Feeling disconnected from your spouse or family can arise when you feel like no one can relate to what you’re going through. If left undealt with, these emotions can build, resulting in more feelings of resentment, anger, and shame.
Ways caregivers may feel resentment, guilt, or anger
Caregiver’s feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt can be caused by:
Unmet expectations
You might have unrealistic expectations of what your capabilities are when it comes to your caregiving responsibilities. If you work a 9-5 and have kids of your own, you might expect other family members to step up and help when you’re not available. If they don’t offer to help, you’ll likely feel frustrated and disappointed.
Lack of appreciation
If you’re the sole caregiver, you might feel unappreciated, or that you’re not being given enough thanks for the role you play in caregiving duties.
Feeling selfish for wanting your old life back
When life brings about big changes, it’s normal to fantasize about how your past life used to be and wishfully thinking things didn’t change. As a caregiver, you may think about the days when you didn’t have to care for someone else, and miss having time for your hobbies, personal life, and your own freedom. If looking after a parent, you may miss the previous parent-child dynamic you enjoyed with them.
Anger and frustration when things aren’t going your way
It’s normal to lose your patience. Caregiving is a very stressful role, and sometimes you might lash out or get angry with a loved one, or even say something hurtful. It’s important to forgive yourself in times like these and look for ways to stop it from happening again, like taking more time for yourself, introducing de-stressing techniques for the moment, or doing something you enjoy.
You might also be interested in: How to care for a parent you do not get along with
Comparing your situation to other caregivers
Comparing your situation to other caregivers is never a good idea. You could feel like you’re not doing enough in comparison to other caregivers, or you’re not living up to the expectations others have of you. Whatever it is, there’s no such thing as the perfect carer. Be realistic about what you can achieve, and don’t be so hard on yourself.
Guilt for thinking about putting them into a memory care home
For some carers, the thought of moving a loved one into a care home could feel like a betrayal. Truth is, it’s anything but the case. It’s normal to feel like you’re letting them down, but if you’re struggling to provide them with the best care possible, you have to do what’s right for them. Try to put your own feelings aside and put your loved one’s changing needs first. Moving someone into a care home doesn’t mean you’ve given up on them, it’s just a different way of caring.
Feelings of anger, resentment, or guilt don’t reflect the love and commitment to the person you’re caring for. It simply shows that you may need additional support, either from those around you or from the likes of a care home.
How to cope with feelings of resentment and guilt
Dealing with these uncomfortable feelings head-on is the only way to make progress and not only be a better caregiver, but also a better spouse, parent, and friend. If you’re dealing with caregiver stress and your mental health is suffering, it’ll be visible in all aspects of your life.
Acknowledge your feelings
Recognize and accept your feelings of resentment, shame, or guilt, and acknowledge that they’re normal feelings. Suppressing your emotions can lead to more stress and eventual burnout.
Self care
Make sure you’re prioritizing your well-being by taking care of your own health first. This means eating well, staying active through physical activity, and finding time for yourself each day, whether it’s taking a long bath or reading a book in the evening.
Don’t know if you need help? Take our caregiver stress check
Seek out family caregiver support groups
Find caregiver support groups either in your area or online, or join online caregiver support forums like the r/CaregiverSupport subreddit.. Here, you can share experiences, discuss negative emotions, and ask for advice from other caregivers who are in similar positions.
Go to therapy
Confiding in family and friends is great if you have the support around you, but sometimes speaking to a licensed mental health professional is needed. Talking with a professional can help you properly process your difficult emotions and avoid caregiver burnout.
Sundara Senior Living is here to help
If you’re struggling under the pressure of caring for someone with dementia, you don’t have to face it alone.
We’re a small memory care center that provides dementia care in Round Rock, Texas. With our dedicated team of senior care professionals, you can have full peace of mind that your loved one is in the best possible care. If you’d like to learn more about how we can support you and your family, reach out to us today.