Your loved one with dementia means the world to you, and as their caregiver, you do everything you can to treat them with patience, love, and understanding. So, it can come as a sharp blow when they accuse you of something that isn’t true.

From a dad accusing his daughter of stealing to a husband insisting his wife is having an affair – it’s very common for a person with dementia to become suspicious and paranoid. You might know logically it’s the dementia talking, but that doesn’t always make it easier. The weight of these accusations can be incredibly tough, and it’s understandable to feel shaken by it. And you’re not alone in feeling that way – whether you’re caring for a spouse or parent, false accusations are a challenge many caregivers face.

We’ve put together some support strategies and advice to help you get through these difficult moments. We hope they give you a little comfort and reassurance as you continue to care for your loved one.

Want more help? Find our series on behavior changes that come with dementia here

False beliefs and delusions

We all have personal beliefs shaped by our values and life experiences. But sometimes, we might find ourselves believing things that aren’t true. For example, have you ever thought a friend was angry with you without any real proof? Usually, we can step back, assess the situation, and recognize that this probably isn’t the case.

But for a person with dementia, it’s not that simple. This kind of reasoning can be very difficult, leading them to develop false beliefs or delusions that feel extremely real.

As their cognitive decline progresses, dementia patients often experience increased paranoia, believing:

• Someone is stealing their money or other misplaced items
• Someone is trying to hurt them
• Their partner is being unfaithful
• They’re being watched or followed

It can be frustrating and hurtful when these false beliefs are aimed at you, but try not to take them personally. Remember, these strong beliefs are symptoms of an illness, not a reflection of how your loved one really feels about you. Try the tips below to deal with false accusations if they arise.

Coping with false accusations from a dementia patient 

If you’ve been falsely accused of something you didn’t do, there are a few things you can do to defuse the situation.

Acknowledge your loved one’s feelings

When your loved one has a belief that’s not true, it’s important not to argue or try to correct them. Doing this might upset them more. Instead, try acknowledging their feelings in a calm and reassuring way, using positive body language and a soothing tone. 

For example, if they accuse you of stealing their wallet, your first instinct might be to say, “Of course I didn’t take your wallet. How could you think that?” But a more comforting response could be: “It must be upsetting that your wallet is missing. Let’s see if we can find it together – maybe it’s just misplaced.”

Gently redirect their attention

If trying to reason with your loved one isn’t working, the best thing you can do is redirect their attention. You might turn on their favorite music, suggest a cup of tea, look through a photo album together, or go for a short walk around the neighborhood. These little distractions can shift their focus away from distressing thoughts and help them calm down.

Create a soothing, familiar environment

Unfortunately, you can’t stop false beliefs or delusions from happening. But there are some simple things you can do to soften their intensity and lower their frequency. These include: 

• Keeping important items like keys or wallets in the same spot
• Having backup sets of glasses, hearing aids, or any particular item that can easily be misplaced
• Setting a regular eating and drinking schedule for your loved one
• Sticking to a steady routine at home and avoiding any changes wherever possible

Related: Why smaller environments are better for dementia patients!

Take a time-out

Looking after your own well-being isn’t selfish – it’s the opposite. It gives you the energy you need to have more patience and compassion for your loved one, and to handle the difficult moments when false beliefs arise.

So, make a little space in your day to do something that relaxes or energizes you, even if it’s just for 10 minutes. A quiet cup of coffee, stepping outside for fresh air, a quick phone call with a friend, or simply sitting in silence – whatever works best for you. 

Ask for support

You’ve probably heard it a million times: “You don’t have to go through this alone.” But the truth is, you really don’t. 

Whether it’s reaching out to a support group, talking to a counselor, or leaning on a trusted friend or family member, asking for help is more than okay. In fact, if you’re struggling, it’s the bravest thing you can do.

Be kind to yourself. Caring for someone with dementia, no matter how much you love them, can be incredibly hard. You’re doing it with love, and you deserve the same care and support you give to others.

How Sundara Senior Living can help

A care facility can be an excellent way for family caregivers to make sure your loved one has the round-the-clock care and support they need. Sundara Senior Living is a memory care facility in Round Rock, Texas, dedicated to creating a warm, home-like environment for those suffering from dementia with delusions.

With only 16 residents in each home, we offer that personal touch that’s often missing in larger facilities. Our dedicated team is specially trained to support residents with cognitive challenges in an environment where residents and staff connect naturally and comfortably. 

To learn more about how Sundara Senior Living can support your spouse or parent as they deal with memory loss, please fill out our quick contact form, and we’ll get back to you shortly.