From diagnosis onward, caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or related dementia can be difficult. It can feel like you’re constantly walking a tight rope, trying to balance their wants and needs—as well as your own—as their condition declines.

Managing medications, facilitating their care, and facing combative behavior from a loved one as the dementia progresses—it’s a lot of pressure. You want the best for them, but it can be difficult to balance what they want with what they need. And no matter how deeply you love them, it can start to take an emotional toll on you, too.

We’re here to help. Read on to explore some practical strategies to help make this challenging time as easy as possible for both of you.

Addressing your loved one’s needs

From basic essentials like food and shelter to psychological needs like emotional connection—we all have needs. As American psychologist Abraham Maslow explains, we can’t fulfill our emotional needs if we haven’t taken care of the basic ones like health and safety.

Dementia patients have those same basic needs. They may just need a little extra help, especially in more advanced stages of the disease.

How you can help ensure their needs are met

Safety first: If you’re caring for a person with dementia at home, it’s important to consider their safety, even in the early stages. Here are a few modifications you may need to make to keep them safe:

• Grab rails for baths, showers, and toilets
• Hoists that use a pulley to lower them in and out of the bath
• A stairlift
• A height-adjustable bed
• Rearranging furniture to avoid tripping hazards
• Automatic lighting for nighttime waking

Medical needs: Dementia patients will need different medications depending on the severity of their symptoms and how progressed the disease is. Make sure that you have a full list of any medications they need and keep in touch with their doctor to discuss any changes. 

As their condition declines, they may need additional health and hygiene products like incontinence pads or bedpans at home. 

Routine and consistency: Keeping your loved one’s personal care schedule—bathing, dressing, grooming, and eating—as close to what it was pre-diagnosis can make a huge difference. Not only will a consistent routine help you keep all their basic care needs met, but it can help them maintain a sense of normalcy and cope with memory changes, too.

Personalized dementia care: When dealing with dementia, mental well-being is just as important as physical safety. Once all their basic care needs are met, look for ways to keep them calm and comfortable. 

Taking a walk together on a familiar route and playing their favorite music can lower stress and anxiety for both you and your loved one. 

Related: Enjoying the Good Days as a Caregiver

Meeting their wants with compassion

People with Alzheimer’s disease can experience what’s known as ‘time-shifting’, where in their mind, they seem to be living at an earlier time of their life. As your loved one’s dementia gets worse, this altered sense of reality can confuse them. They may want to talk to someone who died years ago, or ask to go home when they’re already there.

It can be frustrating—or even alarming—to see your loved one behaving like this. It can be hard to know how to react without upsetting them. Here are a few things to keep in mind the next time you find yourself in this situation:

• Don’t argue: You might want to correct your loved one or remind them where they really are, but doing so can agitate them and make them more anxious.

• Comfort them: Speak slowly in a reassuring tone, use open body language, and maintain eye contact to let them know they’re safe.

• Have a mental health check-in: Someone with dementia may want to ‘go home’ because they’re feeling scared, anxious, or depressed. It may even be caused by a side effect of the medication they’re on. If something is troubling them, sometimes talking calmly about how they’re feeling can help.

• Use positive distractions: Take out a photo album, go for a walk, or listen to their favorite music to help ease their anxiety. 
• Keep track of instances: It can be helpful to keep a log of when your loved one feels this way to see what might be causing it. Does it happen in the evening time? This could be due to ‘sundowning’, where fatigue may cause a noticeable change in their behavior in the late afternoon or early evening.

For more information on communicating with a loved one with dementia, check out our other blog for some helpful tips.

Combative behavior in dementia

Behavior changes can happen at any time, but they’re more common in middle to late stage dementia. It’s important to talk to their doctor when you notice these changes so you can rule out pain, untreated depression, or side effects from medications.

It can be painful to see your loved one change like this, especially if they start to struggle with memory and recognition. Sometimes it can seem like they’ve turned into a completely different person. And while not every dementia or Alzheimer’s patient will become aggressive, it’s common, and it’s important to know how to manage it.  

How to cope with aggressive behavior

Related: Understanding Aggression & Dementia

It can be hard to handle combative behavior from someone you love, but the way you respond can make a world of difference.

• Respond calmly. Don’t react to their anger with more anger, as this will only make things worse.
• Give them space and time to calm down if needed. Stepping out of the room for a moment can give you both a breather.
• Try not to take their anger personally. Remember, their behavior is likely coming from confusion or fear—they’re not trying to hurt you. 

How to care for yourself and get support

Managing a loved one’s anger in the later stages of dementia can be emotionally draining. You can experience a range of conflicting emotions—everything from optimism to helplessness, frustration to guilt—sometimes all in one day.

As a caregiver, it can be easy to set your own wants and needs aside, risking burnout to manage your loved one’s care. But you can’t pour from an empty cup! You need to look after yourself too.

Related: Take Our Caregiver Stress Check

Self-care tips:

• Forgive yourself. If you lose your patience with your loved one or accidentally trigger an outburst, show yourself some compassion, too. It’s important to remember that you’re doing the best you can.

• Cherish the lighter moments. Good days together can gradually turn into fleeting moments of joy. Try to stay present and enjoy these moments in your caregiving journey.

• Take breaks. Let other family caregivers take over so you can recharge. 

• Stay connected. As a caregiver, your world can start to revolve around your loved one. Make regular plans with friends and family to give yourself that much-needed boost.

• Find local support groups. Share what you’re going through with people who get it. The Family Caregiver Alliance is a national caregiver support organization with helpful resources for caregivers like you.
• Get additional help. As your loved one’s condition progresses, they may need extra support or respite care—especially if you’re concerned for their safety. 

It’s important to recognize when it’s time to ask for help—whether it’s from other family members, healthcare providers, or specialized memory care communities. 

We’re here when you need a helping hand

Balancing your loved one’s wants and needs can be overwhelming, but with compassionate support, it doesn’t have to be. 

Our memory care community is locally owned and operated, and we pride ourselves on taking a personalized approach to care.

Get the help you need and the peace of mind you deserve, knowing your family member is in good hands at Sundara Senior Living. 

Get in touch today to see how we can help you and your family.