Dementia is a progressive disease, meaning it worsens over time, impacting memory, speech, and motor skills.

And it progresses at different speeds for different people—some may face a rapid decline in cognitive ability, while others may not show signs of severe dementia for years.

After a diagnosis, it’s natural to worry about how your loved one or your relationship with them may change as their illness progresses.

Over time, it may become difficult to communicate with them, and they may struggle to recognize or remember you. And without communication—the foundation of a loving relationship—how can we stay connected with the people we love as their disease progresses and their condition declines? 

In this blog, we’ll share some tips on communicating with a person with dementia—and a few things to avoid—so you can maintain that special bond with your loved one in a new way.

Understanding how dementia affects communication

Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia cause damage to the brain cells, interfering with the cells’ ability to communicate with each other. This damage is what leads to the memory, behavior, and communication changes that a person with dementia can experience, impacting their ability to think and speak coherently. 

Middle to late-stage dementia can limit a person’s ability to remember names or read other people’s emotions. It can be very upsetting for family members to watch a loved one struggle to speak or verbalize their feelings, mispronouncing words or repeating themselves. And when it’s hard to understand each other, it can sometimes feel like the connection you share is at stake.

But don’t give up! With patience, compassion, and support, you can find new ways to communicate with someone living with dementia.

Effective communication tips 

Whether someone you love is dealing with advanced Alzheimer’s disease or they’ve just been diagnosed, it can help to have a little guidance as you navigate this process together. Below, we’ll share some tips that might help you find a new way to communicate and keep your connection strong.

Before communicating 

If possible, try to create a calm and quiet environment to minimize distractions or stress. Also, ensure their needs are met beforehand—that they’re not upset, hungry, or in pain, for example.

Show understanding 

An important place to start when figuring out how to communicate with your loved one is your own mindset. It may be challenging sometimes, but a caring and positive approach can make a big difference.

Some simple ways to show some understanding and respect towards a person with dementia include:

• Involve them in conversations and maintain eye contact, even if they don’t fully understand what’s going on.
• Don’t assume you know what they do and don’t understand. You might be surprised by how much they remember.
• Remain calm. They may get confused, have difficulty finding the right word, or lose their train of thought, but try not to get frustrated by this as it could cause them distress.
• Don’t correct them. If your loved one thinks they’re getting ready to meet up with a friend who’s been dead for years, or they have to pick up the kids from school, correcting them will only cause confusion and possibly upset them.

How to speak to them 

It can be tricky to figure out how to talk to your loved one with dementia. You may not be able to speak with them the way you did pre-diagnosis—but you also don’t want to condescend or assume they don’t understand anything.

Keep these things in mind when speaking to them:

• Speak calmly and clearly.
• Short, simple sentences are the way to go. Focus on one topic at a time to limit confusion.
• Be patient. Allow them time to absorb what you’re saying and to respond.
• Keep questions as simple and straightforward as possible, or only ask ones with yes/no answers.
• Try drawing simple pictures or using visual cues to help explain something if they need help understanding.

Remember: communication is about more than spoken words. Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other forms of nonverbal communication can really help you connect with your loved one. Try to relax, smile, speak calmly, and practice active listening. Show you’re paying attention by nodding your head and maintaining eye contact. When it’s hard to find the right words, use communication tools like these to help you express your feelings, understand, and connect with your loved one.

What to avoid when communicating with someone who has dementia

Now that you’ve learned a few things you can do, here are a few things you might want to avoid to help communication with your loved one go a bit more smoothly.

1. Trying to jog their memory

While it may be tempting to try and refresh your loved one’s memory by bringing up past events, this can actually cause embarrassment for them by inadvertently highlighting their memory problems. 

Most often, this won’t help them remember what you’re talking about, and it can cause frustration for both of you.

Rather than asking them if they remember something, instead say, “I remember when…” and let them join in if they like.

2. Open-ended questions

“What did you do last weekend?” seems like a harmless question for those without dementia, but for your loved one, it could be stressful to answer. Open-ended questions—especially about the past—can trigger anxiety and distress as they struggle to remember.

It’s best to focus on the here and now in your conversations. You could talk about your day or weekend and allow them time to ask questions.

3. Asking if they recognize you

It’s understandable to want confirmation from your loved one that they still remember who you are, but sometimes, confronting them with this question can be upsetting for both of you. If they realize that they don’t recognize you, it may cause them stress or make them feel guilty. And, if they do know who you are, they may be offended or upset by the question.

A better approach is to keep each greeting warm and friendly. You can introduce yourself each time you see them if that helps put them at ease, but it’s always best to judge the situation for yourself.

Ways to connect with your loved one

As their illness progresses, there will be good and bad days for a person living with dementia. Here are a few ways you can get through the bad days, enjoy the good, and cherish the time you have together:

Be present: When your loved one is having a bad day, it can be easy to get upset or wish the time away. Instead, try to stay present. Remind yourself of the good times while you navigate the bad—even if they’re just a brief moment in the day.

Find what they enjoy: Whatever they find joy in—whether it’s a walk outside, being read to, or listening to music—make time for that. Studies have shown that music in particular can have a positive effect on those with memory problems. Playing their favorite songs can convey feelings that they find hard to express otherwise.

Document this time: On good days, take photos together or make note of funny things that happened. Recording these happy memories can comfort you on bad days or after they’re gone, reminding you of better times.

Professional care with a personal touch in Round Rock, Texas

We’re a locally owned and operated memory care community with an intentionally intimate design. We take a highly personalized approach to our care so you can feel confident knowing your loved one is getting the best treatment.

What matters to you, matters to us. We treat each resident like part of our own family, so you can rest assured they’ll be given the care and respect they deserve, and that no detail goes overlooked.

Get in touch today to experience the Sundara difference for your loved one.